Weekend Update - Radioactive Rabbit Edition

(I know, the election has come and gone and Bad Hat made nary a peep about the whole affair. Well dammit Dorothy, there's more important things in this world than those wimpy Democrats losing to wily tea drinking bible-thumpers! We here at headquarters have been out in the field chasing down radioactive rabbits! Remember when you use to think of Oregon and you'd instantly think of the world's largest orgasm? Well you were wrong then, and you're wrong now. Oregon is home to what is considered the largest single organism in the world, an Armillaria ostoyae fungus beneath the Malheur National Forest of eastern Oregon. And now we have radioactive rabbits. Lots and lots of little glowing fuzzy bunnies. If that doesn't call for a drink, I don't know what does. But I digress . . .)

• We don't have much to say about the mid-terms, except to say they went about how we thought they would. Remember, these are people who for some strange reason continue to vote against their own self-interests. So don't worry, it will be interesting as usual to watch the Righties weird everything up. For example here's a short list of a few who won: Allen West in Florida with his ties to violent criminal sorts; Austin Scott in Georgia, who thinks people who receive unemployment benefits should undergo random drug testing; Tennessee's Scott DesJarlais who, after being accused of spousal abuse, held a gun in his mouth for three hours. His election was termed a landslide. Then we've got Dan Quayle's son, little Ben Quayle of Arizona, who after apparently contributing to a raunchy (sex) website, and then straight out lying about it - which we have no real problem with, except for the straight out lying part - won his congressional seat by double digits. Which begs the question: Who are these people running against? Radioactive rabbits?


• Remember George Bush? "Dubya" I mean, the Worst President Ever Imaginable, The Idiot They Gave the Keys To, The Man Who Put "Food On Your Family," THAT guy? The man who was President of the United States when terrorists flew airplanes into buildings and killed thousands of innocent people, and who went to war with two countries and became responsible for the death hundreds of thousands of Innocent people, and who's administration was responsible for the world's worse f**kup when hurricane Katrina destroyed thousands more lives, etc., etc., that guy? Last week George "Dubya" Bush said the worst moment of his presidency was when Kanya West called him a racist. Holy Crap. I prayed for something humorous to say to that. However, just as I suspected, there was no answer.


• Remember that Hope™ and Change™ thing you young Democrats were so excited about a couple years ago? Sounded great, didn't it? We were all fired up with you, and your bright shiny Chicago-style candidate, and we all got on that bandwagon with you. We thought maybe you young people could change the world. Well, Mark Morford has a feeling you haven't been hanging in there like you should. See what happens when you wallow in hollow disappointment, trudging all over your liberal arts campus and refusing to vote in a rather important mid-term election, all because your pet issues and nubile ego weren't immediately serviced by a mesmerizing guy named Barack Obama just after he sucked you into his web of fuzzyhappy promises a mere two years ago, back when you were knee-high to a shiny liberal ideology? Get ready to be yelled at, and you deserve it.


• Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Grab a beer and read this: The Definition of Insanity.


• Our conservative friend(s) who read this column occasionally would, without this notice, mockingly accuse us of trying to skirt this issue, so here we go: Keith Olbermann was suspended by MSNBC indefinitely for contributing to three liberal campaigns. There, we await the details from our man Olbermann. We're still wondering how all those good ol' boys at Fox News get away with their thousands of dollars in contributions, not to even mention the owners the Fox News Corporation. Remember, as Bill Mahar said the other night, "Keith Olbermann is right when he says he's not the equivalent of Glenn Beck. One reports facts, the other one is very close to playing with his poop." There's more to this whole story, just wait and see.


• If you haven't already had more than enough about this recent election, here's the wrap up from Mother Jones: DEM-olition!


• And finally, a short note to sum it all up from Arthur, who is in London on business: "A debacle of an election, but a bruising midterm can have a good outcome often. Obama has been cruising, something one does not get to do while President. One needs to keep campaigning constantly, not stay in the bubble. He's smart, he's gotten the message. A number of the new Senators and Congressmen are batshit crazy and should give light and voice to their bullshit, so we all can see what crawled out from under the rock. Keith Olbermann? A great pr stunt. A nice vacation and a huge out-welling of support. He is probably a pain in the ass to work with, so this is no shock on many levels. Probably do him some good." Thanks, and jolly good, Arthur. Have a great week everyone!

Weekend Update - Falling Edition

• (Fall has definitely descended upon the Willamette Valley, chilly nights, gray foggy mornings, and the occasional light rain shower. But the majority of the flowers are stoically hanging on, pretending to enjoy it all, and bracing themselves for the inevitable. I love Autumn in Oregon. It makes you melancholy and slightly stupid. You find yourself leafing longingly through L.L. Bean catalogs and saying idiotic things like "I swear if you stare at a tree long enough you can see the leaves change color," while exhaling heavy sighs of bourbon tinted breath, and writing sentences that should have ended 30 words ago. The huge veil of morning glories covering up the old ugly heating oil tank in the back is still alive with happy little flowers of purple, red, and white, and I'm compelled to stand out in the rain and take them all in, to take them into my very soul to be remembered in the harsh realities of dark winter months. Someone please get me another drink and lead me back inside. But I digress ... )
  The date was May 4, 1970. I was 25 years old and it was my first day of work at the bus company, driving little green converted school buses through the neighborhoods of Eugene, Oregon. I was probably slightly stoned, having just recently been introduced to marijuana that year by a sweet little waitress named Susie. It was also the day of a horrific shooting at Kent State University, in Ohio. And now Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) has opened a probe into those events, requesting key documents from the FBI in a letter delivered Saturday morning, following the revelation that an FBI informant may have opened fire just before the 1970 massacre of four anti-war students by members of the US National Guard.



• Mr. Rich Iott, the Republican nominee for Congress from Ohio's 9th District, and a Tea Party favorite, apparently favors dressing up in his nazi SS uniform and parading around with other like-minded individuals. Okay, first, I'm not making this up, and it's people like Mr. Rich Iott who makes writing this blog fun. Read all about it here.

A California student got a visit from the FBI this week after he found a secret GPS tracking device on his car, and a friend posted photos of it online. The post prompted wide speculation about whether the device was real, whether the young Arab-American was being targeted in a terrorism investigation and what the authorities would do. It took just 48 hours to find out: The device was real, the student was being secretly tracked and the FBI wanted its expensive device back. This whole thing reminds me of a Marx movie I saw once. Groucho played a FBI detective.

• Imagine being a typical New Yorker hurrying home during the busy evening rush hour last Friday when suddenly right in the middle of Grand Central Terminal hundreds of gay people suddenly fell down and played dead on the platform. The nerve of those gays! Always wanting equal rights. The nerve.
• And finally this God-fearin', I-Know-My-Rights item: Bob R. of Eaton Township, Ohio was filling a birdfeeder near the pond on his 12-acre property when he was shot in the leg. The bullet was fired by his neighbors who were shooting at logs on their property. Now ain't THAT America?

Weekend Update - Paranoia Edition

(How 'bout them Ducks, eh? Beat Stanford yesterday and they're undefeated for the season. Who woulda thought? It's already smelling like Roses, and this year we're not even afraid to say it. Are you ready? All together now, GO DUCKS!)

• Continuing with our blatant admiration for Christine O'Donnell, we give you this delightful Frank Rich column. "... those laughing now may not have the last laugh in November. O’Donnell’s timely ascent in the election season’s final lap may well prove a godsend for the G.O.P."


• When the subject turns, as it usually does, to President Obama, Glenn Beck sees lessons from history. In particular, he has seized upon two individuals who he believes provide excellent historical parallels to the 44th commander in chief: Woodrow Wilson and Adolf Hitler. And one day, he rhetorically asked his Fox News viewers: "Why did we buy Alaska in the 1950s?" A good question -- because "we" purchased Alaska in 1867. Dana Milbank explores the idiocy of Glenn Beck.


• "Dead or alive" Osama bin Laden issued yet another in a series of press releases recently, indicating, at the very least, he's not dead yet, contrary to what you might have heard. Anyone know what Dubya's been up to lately? Anyone?


• Haven't had anything new to worry about this last week? Well here's something for you: News that the US is buying custom-made vans packed with something called backscatter X-ray capacity has riled privacy advocates and sparked internet worries about "feds radiating Americans." Click here and get paranoid.


• From Michael Moore: "The election is one month from tomorrow and, yes, it looks hopeless. November 2nd -- the day the Dems are expected to crash and burn. Sadly, it's a situation the Democrats have brought upon themselves -- even though the majority of them didn't create the mess we're in. But they've had over a year and a half to start getting the job done to fix it. Instead, they've run scared ever since they took power. To many, the shellacking they're about to receive is one they deserve." And then he offers us Five Ways the Democrats Can Avoid a Catastrophe and Pull Off the Mother of All Upsets.


• We love Pete. Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-Ore.) is turning the tables on a political group launching attack ads against him in an attempt to bring its shadowy practices to light. On Friday, he went to the Capitol Hill headquarters of the Concerned Taxpayers of America to deliver a letter and speak with members of the organization about making its donors public. But the person who answered the door misrepresented himself and lied, saying he had never heard of Concerned Taxpayers, even though subsequent information shows that he is affiliated with the group. Watch the video here.

Weekend Update - Light of Day Edition

(The tunnel was terribly dark, and incredibly long, but that light we saw several weeks ago has indeed turned out to be the light of day. We have emerged stronger than ever, literally, and have renewed this marriage thing. There are many interesting and scary details about this ordeal that I will wisely spare you, as most of it sounds like something out of a Dean Kootz novel. However, here's one interesting observation of my own. I've always considered myself a bit of an expert on marriage, what with being married four times. I could dispense advice with the best of counselors. But during our own counseling sessions something occurred to me that changed me. I actually was an expert at failed marriages. I had very little knowledge how to make a marriage actually work. So now we're both working hard on it. And I think I like this marriage thing. Thank you all for your kind concerns in the past several weeks, without friends we are no more than burnt toast. And thank you for your patience here at Bad Hat. Hopefully we can now get back to normal. But I digress ...)

• It's a fine American tradition, hating. Communists. Arabs. The Japanese. Blacks. Native Americans. Hippies. Gays. "Gooks." Immigrants. Chinamen. The poor. Women. Teenagers. Vegans. Science. What's the problem with this nation? What's really eating at our soul and threatening our honest love of an angry God, apple pie and giant homoerotic firearms? It ain't us. It's them. They're trying to mess with our heads, steal our freedom, impregnate our virgins, poison the water supply. Damn them to hell, and where's my shotgun? Mark Morford rants on.


• Bad Hat's Idiot of the Week is Sarah Palin look-alike Christine O'Donnell, winner of the Republican Senate primary in Delaware, who claims lust is adultery, and you can't masturbate without lust, therefore ... oh, you know. Also, check out this wonderful piece written by Alexander Cockburn, "Masturbating on the Edge of the Apocalypse." Gawdhelpus.


• You gotta love Stephen Colbert. This guy's got more chutzpah than anyone in the world. He even testified to congress the other day about migrant workers. Amongst other things he told the assembled lawmakers was that his gastroenterologist had explained to him that fruits and vegetables are an important source of “roughage” and said that he “would like to submit a video of my colonoscopy into The Congressional Record.”


• The Republicans unveiled their "Pledge To America" last Thursday, and it's a doozy. Gene Robinson writes, amongst other things, "The Republicans were doing pretty well for themselves as the Party of No. So why did they decide to rebrand themselves as the Party of Nonsense?"


• And if you're having a bad day, think of this: 2,300 ft. (700 m) below Chile's Atacama Desert, 33 miners have been trapped since Aug. 5 and face up to four more months of confinement before they're freed. That's underground. In the dark. With no link to a cold Corona with a slice of lime. Now, don't you feel better?

Weekend Update - Disgruntled Edition

(Well, you have problems. We all have have them from time to time. Your house can burn down. Your car can explode. A chunk of frozen excrement from a passing airliner can strike your house. Hey, you've seen the bumper sticker, shit happens. The older you get, the more you expect it. When things are going smoothly, it's like the old line from a Gothic novel: "It was quiet. It was too quiet." With me this time it was the wife moving out. Just got up out of bed in the middle of the night and announced she was leaving me. And then did. Well hell, I'm a pretty astute person, I think, and I sensed something was wrong right away. I'll spare you the intimate details of the rest of the story, but after about 3 weeks she's moved back in and we're attending weekly counseling sessions with a very sincere family counseling specialist in a very sincere family counseling office. At this point, I think we'll be okay - if we can get all of her (the wife's) emotional problems out in the open where they can be dealt with in a professional manner, and I can suppress my disgruntledness about the entire episode. And so how have all of you been? But I digress ... )

• The Idiot Glenn Beck shouted down at the multitudes gathered at the Lincoln Memorial to hear him and Sister Sarah pontificate on the evils of black people leading the country and allowing godallmighty Himself speak through them, and using Fox News math announced that attendance was 300,000 to 5000,000 people! Actual count, 87,000.


• Did you hear? Did you see the blazing headlines, the parades, the TV crews lining up in a rabid media frenzy on the White House lawn? Did you attend a rally, a march, a flag-wavin' gun-tootin' victory party, or perhaps gather around the TV at the local saloon, waving a tiny American flag and cheering wildly? Finally after thousand of young soldiers lay dead, and billions of dollars wasted, the War in Iraq is finally over! Why don't we feel like celebrating? Mark Morford reports.


• Gotta love Ellen Goodman. Did someone slip Mel Gibson an overdose of testosterone? He's the unanimous winner of our Raging Hormonal Imbalance Award after starring in an eight-minute audiotaped rant telling his ex-girlfriend that she needs a "bat to the side of the head" and threatening to put her in a "f---ing rose garden." We send him a curtain. Coming down. The "Equal Rites Awards."


• Vive la révolution! This Tea Party movement is interesting in many ways. But one of the most interesting is just who in hell is bankrolling it? Is it Fox News itself? Not really, although they're a part of it. The big money is coming from a very select group of billionaires who have an interesting stake in all of it. Like we've always said "follow the money." Follow it with Frank Rich, and it'll all make sense.


• Remember back a thousand years ago when George W. Bush was president? Remember how whenever he had a public speaking engagement people were hand-cuffed and taken away for having anti-Bush bumper stickers on their cars, or for wearing anti-Bush t-shirts? In West Virginia, Jeff and Nicole Rank were handcuffed and taken away from a July 4, 2004, rally on the state Capitol grounds shortly before the president arrived. They had tickets to the event, but wore homemade T-shirts with a line crossing out the word "Bush." The government later paid $80,000 to settle their lawsuit. But those who have taken their cases before judges have not fared as well. Read more.

Weekend Update - July 24th

(Welcome back. I know it's been a while since the last posting and I have little to report except random house painting, garden tending, and lemonade stand tending. Remember lemonade stands? I opened one up one summer in front of our house when I was probably the boy's age. Mom made up a batch of her special lemonade, called for boiling lemons for hours, I think. I water-colored a couple of signs and sat out by the street for several hours and ended up with a small fortune of probably $2. Times haven't changed much in the lemonade stand business in 50 years. Jonathan and his friend Mason threw a stand up on our corner and sat in 90 degree heat for almost an hour before one of the neighbor ladies took pity on them and came over and bought 2 cupfuls. The pity factor is always good for a sale or two. She gave them $4 and told them to keep the change, and after she left they promptly closed up shop and high-tailed it to the corner market on a candy and pop run. My son, the Capitalist. But I digress ...)

• We knew it all along: Dick (we-call-him-Dick) Cheney has no pulse! And Mark Morford wants us to take a test. "Former Vice President Dick Cheney disclosed Wednesday that he has undergone surgery to install a small pump to help his heart work, as the 69-year-old enters a new phase of what he called 'increasing congestive heart failure.'" -- Associated Press. The first knee-jerk response to the Great Dick Cheney Empathy Test (GDCET) is, of course, the easiest, and the most obvious, the most available to your giddy puppydog consciousness, and my guess is it shot through you like a fast and wonderful lightning bolt of OH MY SWEET JESUS YES the instant you read the story above. Read more.


• From Arthur: "Wow. Poor, poor Sarah Palin just got blindsided by her own daughter, who says she believes her pending marriage was derailed by her Mom's run for Vice President. I can readily believe that, politics is lethal for the family members. I will be happy to take odds that the next thing to happen will be that Todd will leave Sarah for a particularly perky waitress in the Wasilla Diner. How do I know? Because all who become Republicans are cursed to do stupid things. It is simply a law of nature. Think about it. Eerie how true that is, isn't it?"


• Now here's a little story that originally appeared in Mother Jones and it's titled "Strippers, Booze and Race Riots: BP’s Cleanup Workers Run Amok in Grand Isle." I'd comment on it, but after reading it I'm practically speechless. Read it yourself, if you dare.


• They claim to be able to raise the dead and cause miracles, such as the multiplication of Thanksgiving turkey dinners. They burn "witchcraft items" and "idols." They hold mass exorcisms to cast out alleged evil spirits they say cause lust, pornography, addiction, homosexuality, bisexuality, and perversion. They claim to be able to heal HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis C, Glaucoma, and cancer, and to break "generational curses" and "witchcraft curses." Who are they? None other than the radical, right-wing charismatic evangelical movement, that's who. And they're taking over entire states. Be afraid, be very afraid.


• By now you've all heard the story about Shirley Sherrod. But you know you must be doing all right if people like Willie Nelson, yes THE Willie Nelson, jump up to defend you.


• William Rivers Pitt writes a great column on the Tea Party Idiots: It is all too tempting to dismiss the far-right Teabagger legions and their idiot media allies as nothing more than a band of brain-addled yahoos who regularly make solar flare-sized fools of themselves in ways undreamed of by the Founders. I've mocked them a time or three myself; it's almost impossible not to. When a Tea Party web forum goes into paroxysms of fear and loathing about an Obama-led fascist takeover of America because they read a 2007 satirical article from the Onion and thought it was real, all you can do is put your head in your hands and thank God for showing us His sublime sense of humor. Click here to read more.

Weekend Update - July 10th

(The Boy played his final KidSport baseball game Thursday evening. The Lancers, as they were called, failed to win a game this season, including this one played in just shy of 100 degree heat. But the boys one and all played with heart and determination and a certain 11 year old bravado that seemed to be judged by how dirty they could get their uniforms. They were, of course, disappointed by finishing in the cellar, but only mildly so. Jonathan mentioned earlier that he was considering not playing again next year, but thanks to KidSport policy, he changed his mind. Apparently all participants in this summer adventure end up with an individual trophy, complete with etched name. I'm sure the winners of this thing got larger trophies, but each of the sweating, dirty, sunburned Lancers got their own foot tall trophy to take home, along with a team photograph. Oh, and near the last inning of the final game, Jonathan scored a run. It was his finest moment, and as he trotted back to the Lancer dugout slapping high-fives with his teammates, all I could see was an enormous grin. That night he went to bed early, exhausted, scrubbed clean in the shower under strict orders of his mother. I went in later to turn out his light and kiss him goodnight, but he was already asleep, the shiny baseball trophy clenched tightly in his hand. It was one of those untaken pictures I will save forever. But I digress ...)

• Okay, let's start off with something really interesting here. You know how we "guys" have the option of taking the little blue pill, this Viagra thing, for our lack of sexual drive, or whatever? Well, what if, I mean, what if we take this magic pill and get all ready, you know, and our "gal" isn't interested. Why don't they have a "female Viagra?" what? They're working on it? BUT, you do not rise up from the watery depths too rapidly, lest you go quickly insane. You do not drink five cups of coffee and three shots of absinthe and then attempt delicate brain surgery, blindfolded. You do not drill for oil a mile down in the pristine seas and have no reliable backup systems should something go horribly, horribly wrong. You do not mock Mother Nature. But above all else, for absolute certain, one thing you really, really do not do: You do not mess around with the female sexual response. At least that's according to Mark Morford.


• Have you watched any of the World Cup? We call it soccer, they call it football, or futbal, and it's sometimes exciting to watch when there's absolutely nothing else on, including the farm channel, and would undoubtedly be a hell of lot more popular in the United States if it wasn't for those damn horns. You know them if you've watched the Cup this year, the horns, the vuvuzela as they're called. These horns have to be one of the most irritating musical instruments in the world. Some people even object to them being called "musical instruments." But those people haven't seen THIS.


• Even George Will has called for President Obama to get the U.S. out of Afghanistan. But all we seems to get out of the Obama Administration is Bush-Orwell-style "Newspeak." What the hell's going on? Here's a fascinating and highly important excerpt from The American Way of War: How Bush's Wars Became Obama's by Tom Engelhardt. Click HERE. Oh, and speaking of depressing, General George Casey, the Chief of Staff of the Army, said today the United States could face another "decade or so" of persistent conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan. We've been there for nine years already. Are you ready for another 10 "or so?"


• "Whoa boy, easy big fella ..." Want to buy a horse? Want to buy a famous horse? Want to buy a famous stuffed horse? While this may only interest Roy Roger's fans who have a couple hundred thousand dollars they need to get rid of in a hurry, this little news item made the little buckaroo in me crawl back under the bed. They're gonna auction off Trigger! And what's worse, it's in New York City!

Robert Byrd and the Surprises of Change

(We're catching up here at Bad Hat Headquarters, and here's a comment by Arthur In Marin County on the recent demise of Senator Robert Byrd, and he adds a gentle diss of our fair city for which he shall have to pay.)


I had not known much about Byrd's earlier beliefs, except through allusions that he belonged to the Klan for a period of time. Eugene Robinson does a good job of tracing his career. It should be noted that there was a period during the teen and twenties when I had heard that the local Klan used to burn crosses on Skinner's Butte. It gives a rather different context to the lighted cross we grew up with, doesn't it? I doubt that the citizens of that bygone Eugene would recognize the one of today, just as the Robert Byrd toward the end of his long career hardly seems like the same man he was in his earlier life. He was, by the way, also an accomplished fiddle player and bluegrass musician. Again, who knew?

Here is a paper someone wrote on Oregon's checkered history of racial attitudes, which seemed to rely upon keeping African-Americans out of the state, whenever possible. I had never heard about blacks being excluded from living in Eugene until quite recently. Can that be true? It raises another question; when one was so unwelcome, why on earth would they have wanted to live in Eugene?

Arthur

Some Facts for a Change

By Arthur In Marin County

There has been a lot of hand-wringing over taxes and "takings" and the terrible profligate spending of the current administration. Helpfully, someone took the trouble to sit down and make a useful chart that shows where our deficit is coming from. And where it isn't. It turns out (surprise, surprise) that Bush did it, again. And again.

The main culprit appears to be his unfunded tax cut to the very wealthy, those he referred to as "his base". Things have gone well for them, less well for the economy. It will be difficult, perhaps impossible, to just roll back the key tax and spending policies of the Bush era. Powerful forces like things just as they are, thanks anyhow. Deficits? Pesky things. The demise of the middle class. Tsk, tsk, they were nice, those "small people", weren't they?

Ah well, time marches on, doesn't it? Nations rise, nations fall, but the truly wealthy tend to muddle through somehow.

I like that the current administration is talking about cutting back on the Defense budget. There are a lot of vested interests who are in the habit of feeding regularly at the trough of the Defense budget, often for cutting edge projects that spiral into huge cost-overruns and delays, all of which are bad for the budget and great for corporate income. This is not to say that there are not very real challenges out there in the big bad world, but that blowing things up is not always the most economical solution.

Arthur

Weekend Update - Apocalypse Edition

(There are legends and then there are legends. Eugene is a legendary town, what with your Grateful Dead types and your Ken Kesey types and your jeans-wearing Governors telling tourists to visit but don't stay, Oregon, and especially Eugene, is, well, mygod you gotta love this place. People can become legendary here, but they really really have to work at it. You can't just walk around downtown with a funny hat and expect to be treated like a legend. Not in this town. We demand more. With that in mind, and with the authority granted me by a young hippy girl with no top on at the Oregon Country Fair in 1981, I would like to declare someone legendary. His name is Brewster, and he and his bicycle-with-trailer apparently have been banned from riding any of the local buses, and Brewster, in his mid 40's, who has taken the art of holding a grudge to a completely new level, rides daily by the main LTD bus stations in our area. Suddenly he'll shoot a couple blasts from his boat-type air horn and then shout at the top of his lungs "L...T...D can lick my hairy, sweaty nut sack!" He's been doing this most every day, rain or shine, for over 2 years. During football season he'll preface his mantra with "Go Ducks!" Add this: a couple times a year our legendary town holds what is called a "naked bike ride" to protest something, can't remember what at this point. Participants in various stages of undress ride in a group around town during the evening hours. All harmless fun I suppose, until earlier this month when our boy Brewster decided to join in. I didn't see this myself, but the report is that when the group approached the LTD bus station downtown, Brewster was seen in the middle of pack, stark naked, honking his horn and yelling his legendary phrase. To everyone's dismay, it's also reported that our boy Brewster was quite erect at the time. Therefore, I officially declare that from this day forward, John Brewster is a Eugene Legend. But I digress ...)

• The oily disaster that is the BP Gulf Oil Spill Clusterf**k continues unabated. Mark Morford is beginning to believe this all is the sign of the coming apocalypse. He offers us two Worst Case Scenerios and then this grand finale: A new survey says that a disturbingly large percentage of Americans -- 40 percent, to be exact -- actually believe Jesus will return by 2050, likely riding on the back of a flaming asteroid (30 percent think one will hit us by then), waving a cowboy hat and yodeling as he careens toward our hapless blue dot of inequity, pain and lousy AT&T reception. This one calls for a trip to the liquor store.
• We generally love and agree with Frank Rich, a senior editorialist for the New York Times. Here he discusses President Obama's response to the disaster in the Gulf, and it's well worth the read. Click here.
• Arthur in Marin County writes: "Drill baby drill! I had forgotten what an absurd mantra of the 2008 campaign that cry had become, lead of course by Sarah Palin." Also, "In the whole discussion over the Gulf Oil spill there are some things I did not know. For example, all of the deep water drilling only started on Bush II's watch and it is now a major part of the oil production in the Gulf. No wonder people are fighting to keep the right to continue to do it. Money."
• Apparently our economy isn't in all that bad of a shape. Our beloved government is spending $517 Million to develop a blimp! to spy on Afghanistans. Cool! "This opportunity leverages our longstanding leadership positions in developing innovative unmanned air vehicles, C4ISR weapon systems, and leading edge systems integration, and moves Northrop Grumman into this rapidly emerging market space of airships for the military and homeland defense arenas," said Gary Ervin, corporate vice president and president of Northrop Grumman Aerospace Systems sector. It's shit like this that makes me so proud to pay my taxes on time. (Sorry, that trip to the liquor store is getting to me...)
• Someone explain this one to me. Murder suspect Joran van der Sloot has been bragging about receiving a deluge of attention from women since confessing to the murder of Stephany Flores. Apparently murderers in prison get all kinds of letters filled with offers of marriage and whatever from lonely women. What? Oh, it's a fetish? Oh brother. That calls for another drink. I'm outta here. Get out there and mow that lawn.

Weekend Update - Father's Day Edition

(Endless make-up baseball games. The Kid is playing baseball, complete with uniform and cup! to protect those precious family jewels, and because of this terrible Oregon spring, the weather hasn't cooperated one little bit. So whenever there's a break in the rain they play make-up games. He's pretty good, actually. He's not afraid to slide, he's got a pretty good arm for an 11 year-old, and he's always ready to crowd the base and take one for the team. That last part I wish he'd stop doing, but what the hey. It's Father's Day, and I'm certainly the proud father in this picture. It's the middle of June fer crissakes, and we have yet to have an 80 degree day. Can we blame this on BP? But I digress ...)

• Let's start with some wonderfully good news, my friends. For those of you who insist on believing in god, I'm here to tell you he seems to have a really good sense of humor. Why else would he decide to send a lightening bolt down and totally destroy a 6-story statue of Jesus? Apparently god is just a regular guy. You ever have that fine, epiphanic moment when you realize an eyesore's an eyesore and it's time for some, you know, housecleaning? And what better way to rid yourself of some of the more hideous crap laying about than maybe tossing it into a nice bonfire? By the highway? In Ohio? God has those moments, too. Something about this story I just love. Mark Morford reports.
• If you have to be crazy to run for office, consider if you will Rick Barber, a "tea party" candidate for congress, who seems to be avocating the voilent overthrow of the government. Click Here.
• And speaking of idiots, here's an evangelist who believes homosexuality, headaches, and dandruff are all caused by demons - gay demons, headache demons, and demons of dandruff. And it seems that Bishop Harry Jackson was mad because the Obama White House invited the Secular Student Alliance to a meeting of the White House's Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. Shame, shame.
• In yachting news this week, BP chief executive Tony Hayward took a day off Saturday to see his 52-foot yacht "Bob" compete in a glitzy race off England's shore, a leisure trip that further infuriated residents of the oil-stained Gulf Coast. Well gosh, Tony hasn't had a day off ever since his oil rig exploded. What concerns me is the imagination it took for a multi-millionaire oil executive to name his yacht "Bob."
• It's called the "Active Denial System," and apparently it's some sort of high-tech microwave "pain ray" that makes whoever it's used against feel like they're on fire. And guess what? It's being "tested" right now in Afghanistan. Now if that isn't called "winning the hearts and minds," I don't know what is. God bless America.
• Check out this book review: The Overton Window is, quite simply, a failure as a piece of fiction. The book is billed as a "thriller," but it is mind-numbingly boring, with pages upon pages spent rehashing long-winded, anti-big government sermonizing thinly disguised as "dialogue." It is filled with plot holes, inexplicable character motivations, tired clichés, characters who are introduced out of left field only to conveniently advance the inane plot, other characters that exist for no apparent reason, and characters we are supposed to like who say things like "don't tease the panther." Hardly good enough for a door stop. The author? Our very own whipping boy-idiot Glenn Beck.

Weekend Update - Waiting for Spring

(I'm up very early this morning. Something woke me with a kind of foreboding feeling, like something was about to happen, or perhaps the feeling animals have minutes before an earthquake. It was quiet. That was the problem. There was no water dripping in the downspout outside the bedroom window. Must have stopped raining for a moment, I thought to myself, and turned over to catch a few more winks. And then it happened. From under the very bottom of the curtain a shaft of intensely golden light appeared on the floor. Suddenly the cat and the dog both appeared and threw themselves on the floor in the light, tummies up. "Mother!" I yelled to my wife, "wake up! It's THE SUN! THE SUN!" My heart pounding with anticipation, I yanked clumsily at the shades, pulling one side completely off its hanger. With both hands I ripped open the curtain, just as the light disappeared back into the heavy layer of grayness. But for a fleeting moment, just one wonderful moment, I saw the sun. Thank you Jesus. 50% chance of showers this afternoon. But I digress ...)

• The apocalyptic disaster that is the BP Oil Spill is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen on television news, right up there with the Katrina fiasco, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has wondered if Louisiana and surrounding states are somehow cursed. I'm sure Pat Robertson thinks so, those oily, dying pelicans are probably gay. But our friend Mark Morford has found a sort of savage grace, a tragic and terrible beauty to it all. He writes "Behold, Our Dark, Magnificent Horror."


• Some things in America, no matter how hard we try, will ever change. Like racism, for example. The election of Barak Obama to the office of President of the United States has apparently brought some very ugly white people out of their dirty little closets. Ladies and gentlemen I give you this disturbing little story from the weird state called Arizona: Click Here


• Here's a fascinating-yet-very-disturbing Media Matters column by Ben Dimiero that once again finds Glenn Beck winning the Bad Hat Idiot of the Week Award. "The Glenn Beck Conundrum."


• You just know this one is going to be oodles of fun. The corruption trial of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is finally getting under way, and right off the bat the judge appears to be just as batty as our beloved Blago. U.S. District Judge James Zagel did most of the questioning of potential jurors, a role he seemed to enjoy as he sometimes strayed from the relevant issues of jury service. He questioned 29 potential jurors on the first day of the selection process, joking with some and ripping into one whose flippancy had irked him. Watch this space.


• George W. Bush was quoted recently as he commented on the role of religion in his life, "I prayed a lot. I really did. I prayed before every major speech. I prayed before debates. It was a very important experience." Well he might want to give up a little prayer that he isn't indicted for torture. Seems he also freely admitted he had Khalid Sheik Mohammed waterboarded, and even proudly added, "and I'd do it again ..." The only thing he didn't say was "So what are you gonna do about it?"

Memorial Day - "Courtesy of Your Loved Ones"

We picked several rose buds off the rose bushes not too bothered by this incessant rain, then gathered the family in the car between showers and set out to visit the those-gone-on-before, the dearly departed, the places of eternal slumber, the dead relatives. This is a yearly ritual for us, I've insisted on it for reasons unclear even to me, although I think it has something to do with my own awareness of mortality. Ray Stewart used to call me every Memorial day. He'd be in his usual state of intoxication, and he'd state "Well, it's Memorial Day, have you remembered anything yet?" Now Ray's been gone for several years now, and yes Ray, I still remember you.


We had to go to different cemeteries to visit the loved ones we had listed this year, and at the first one, where my wife's grandparents are, a nice-but-kinda-creepy cemetery worker invited us back later for hot dogs and hamburgers, "courtesy of your loved ones." I'm trying not to dwell on that one too much. My son wants to go back for the food, and he may still drag me back before this day is done.


The next one was a cemetery just down the road from the first (interesting how they seem to group together, isn't it? Well, okay, maybe not ...) My dad, his wife, and his parents are all buried there. My grandfather's grave has my name on it, or rather I have my grandfather's name on me, well you get what I mean ... so it's always fun to pause and reflect at a grave stone with your name written on it. Dad looks fine, although his flat stone bearing his name could use a little edging, and the brass lettering could use some polishing, but I doubt if any of that bothers him too much now. We put a few rose buds on his marker, and a couple on his mother's, the lady I always called "Nana" when I was growing up. I never knew my paternal grandfather as he died before I was born, so his marker got no rose bud. Funny thing, though, all of their markers had a fresh vase of flowers placed in those individual little holders. I have no idea from whence they came.

The final grave we visited was Sgt. Major Robert E. Winslow's. My gawd how I miss my Uncle Bob. I was never more sane than when I was around him. Without him I sometimes revert back to my old self, staggering around the storage shed of life, banging into one foolish idea after another, just hoping to someday see the goddamned light before it gets dark forever. We stuck three American flags in the ground around his marker, and placed the special white rose Jonathan had picked for him on top. As my wife looked on, I stood stiffly at attention and gave the Marine a military salute. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jonathan doing the same thing. He's a good boy, my Jonathan.

Uncle Bob would be proud.

(Happy Memorial Day to all of you. This is not only a day of BBQ's and potato salad, it's a day to, as Ray Stewart said, "Remember something." Remember especially those who have sacrificed their lives for the defense of the rest of us. And remember above all, that life is so preciously short, everything we do makes a difference in someone else's life. Be strong, be kind, be honest, and hold on to that which you love, with everything in your power.)

Weekend Update - May 22nd

• Okay, so we have one of the most, if not THE most devastating unnatural disasters in history still ongoing in the gulf with this horrible BP oil rig blowout, but information is just now surfacing as to the real cause of all this. Here is the good news: It has nothing whatsoever to do with annoying trifles like human error, mechanical failure, oil company oversight, greed, ignorance or plain ol' corporate malfeasance; it is nothing so mundane as, you know, normal life. Nope. It was those damned North Koreans and their submarine missles. The spill, oh naive one, was not caused by anything so pedestrian as a failed shutoff valve. It was, of course, caused by a small missile, shot from a secret North Korean mini sub on a political suicide mission out of Cuba, a weapon that specifically targeted the Deepwater Horizon and blew it up just prior to Earth Day, all of which was spotted and confirmed by Russia's Northern Fleet of invisible black submarines, which you have never heard of because they might or might not actually exist, so far as you know. I just knew it! Mark Morford reports.



• President Barak Obama has begun his sell-out campaign to the American Military-Industrial Complex by taking back most everything he invoked concerning the war in Iraq during his campaign during a speech at the West Point military academy last week. While focusing much of his speech on a theme of America’s 21st-century leadership, the president also gave a sneak preview of his own version of “mission accomplished” that he is likely to invoke when the last US combat troops leave Iraq this summer. Mr. Obama called the US engagement in Iraq a “success,” and he said he has no doubts that the graduates before him would someday be able to say the same of the US campaign in Afghanistan. I'm feeling a bit nauseous, but I'll continue with this report.



• I present to you The Rodeo Clown Who Is Glenn Beck. Mr. Beck, running out of ideas, defends himself by making fun of Congressman Weiner's name. Most of us stopped defensive tactics of this sort just short of the 5th grade. Sweet Jesus, I hate this idiot.



• Rand Paul, whats-his-name's son, has thrust himself into the media stage with some pretty outrageous comments lately, and is apparently a strange little guy. But Newsweek’s Howard Fineman, made excuses for Paul, saying he was just a political novice who hadn’t mastered the skill of packaging his answers in politically neutral ways. In other words, his only sin was believing too sincerely in his ideology and expressing it honestly. We think he's just another political oddity, but the Tea Partiers just love his little ass. Oh, by the way, after Rand's comments on Rachael Maddow's show the other day, Betsy Fischer, executive producer of NBC News' Meet The Press, tweeted Friday afternoon that Dr. Paul has apparently backed out of a scheduled appearance on the Sunday morning talk show. Seems the man has a bit of the old foot-in-mouth disease apparently. Booyah.



• 13-year-old Jordan Romero reached the top of Mount Everest today. The first thing he did was call his mom. I wish I could think of something to add to this story, but I think it speaks for itself.



• We do not like FaceBook. We do not trust FaceBook. We are not on FaceBook. We never have. And here's why.

Weekend Update - May 16th

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We Finally Found Aunt Gladys

I would like to say at the beginning that Aunt Gladys was never really lost, we just didn't know exactly where she was. And I would like to say that it was only after a long and arduous search that we finally found her. The first part of that would be true. The second part is nonsense.

Aunt Gladys lived in her Victorian style house on College Hill for decades, just her and her endless supply of small irritating dogs, the last one an intolerable mutt named Trudy, until she finally was moved to a "foster home" to keep her from accidentally burning down her Victorian style house on the hill. Trudy thankfully passed on shortly before that. Aunt Gladys had no relatives left other than my sister and I, so it fell upon us to have her looked after by a woman who seemed very trustworthy. Of course you've probably already sensed where I'm going with this.

Nancy and I rented out her house, and its adjoining apartment, and used that money to pay Aunt Gladys' bills and for upkeep on the place. A year or two passed and we were suddenly notified that not only had Aunt Gladys died, she had also unceremoniously been buried. Somewhere. We tracked down Aunt Gladys' belongings, locked in a storage unit on the west side of town. We rented a truck, broke into the storage unit, and made off with the "loot" under the full blazing sunlight of day. Two things were missing, however. Aunt Gladys' caregiver, and Aunt Gladys. It was 1989. It was an interesting summer. It would be 21 years before we found her. Aunt Gladys, that is. We never did find the caregiver.

Oh, to be honest, we didn't spend too much time searching cemeteries. None at all, actually. She was gone, after all, and we did have her "heirlooms," and the old Victorian style house on College Hill. We just went on with our lives, you know how we do, and never gave it much thought. Well, I thought about it once in a while. It was a nagging thing with me. I don't like the idea of misplacing things, like dead relatives, and letting it go. One day last week there was an article in the paper about how someone had put together a database of everyone buried in the Eugene Pioneer Cemetery. It needed to be done, there are grave sites from the 1800's, missing headstones, you know. On a lark, I typed in Aunt Gladys' name and lo and behold there she was! Born May 12, 1900, died May 5, 1989. I looked for her burial plot on the cemetery map and there it was, located right across the street from McArthur Court.

McArthur Court is the local basketball arena, lovingly called Mac Court, or "The Pit." By the way, it's not named after that stodgy old fart Douglas McArthur as you might think, it's named after Pat McArthur, the University of Oregon's first student body president. We Eugeneans don't name things after war heroes and such. There's a tunnel in San Francisco named after Douglas McArthur, and every time Uncle Bob and I would drive through it, Uncle Bob would mutter "That son of a bitch." But that's another story.

In Eugene we have Ken Kesey Square, the DeFazio Bike Bridge, and the new basketball arena being built with a LOT of help from Nike's Phil Knight is named after Phil's late son, Matthew Knight. They'd like us to call it "Matt Court," but some of us wags who were fans of the TV series like "Knight Court." And that's another thing about Eugeneans. We don't like other people trying to name our stuff. Our governor decreed the other day that he was changing the name of our beloved Beltline Road to "Randy Pape' Expressway," or some such nonsense. Randy Pape' is the late area business man who's family has dominated the road building business in this part of Oregon, and who contributed heavily to Governor K's campaign funds. Eugeneans were OUTRAGED! True Eugeneans had their own pet names for Beltline Road (also referred to as "The Most Dangerous Stretch of Highway Since Asphalt Was Invented") and while most of them had the word "Death" in them, none of them referred to Randy Pape'.

The argument and bickering goes on and on to this day. The gov has offered to compromise with "Pape'-Beltline," then with just changing the signs at both ends of the highway and none in the middle, but true Eugeneans will have NONE of it! Even though the robotic legislature has voted all the later changes in, I bet it's not over yet. We Oregonians have the Initiative Petition and we're not afraid to use it! I'll keep you posted. Or maybe I won't.

At any rate, we found Aunt Gladys. This afternoon I'm going over and putting a flower on her grave. I figure it's the least I can do.

Weekend Update - May Day! May Day!

(Deep in thought this morning as I contemplate this May Day. For example, it was on May Day in 1960 that the ever-so-hapless Francis Gary Powers was shot out of the sky over Sverdlovsk, USSR when his U2 spy plan wasn't flying quite high enough. The contemplative factor of all this is the following: Just before bailing out of his flaming black bird, did he scream "May Day! May Day!" into his microphone? and if so, did he fully realize the irony of that scream? But we digress ...)

• Of course everyone knows this, but let's state it again: You can tell a person's political affiliation just by looking at his face. For example, do you look severe and constipated, nervous and ruddy, fearful the gays are coming to convert your cat and steal your fetish porn? You're a Republican. Do you look warm and approachable, calm and likable, slightly insane and mushy as a tofu popsicle? You're a Democrat. This is just one of 10 Amazing Truths You Already Suspected compiled by Mark Morford.


• It's probably just my bleeding-heart-liberalism talking, but someone needs to reach out to Glenn Beck and get him the mental health treatments he so obviously needs. He's getting worse. Here's just the latest: A story has surfaced nationally with a surreal Glenn Beck segment and two ludicrous Fox News discussions highlighting the false claim that Brandeis University was hosting an international conference linking the Tea Party movement to Nazis in Europe. "I was the Target of a Fox News Hoax"


• Heard about that new law in Arizona? Seems the cops can stop you if just look like you might be an illegal alien (undocumented worker in polite speech). Somewhere in the back of the brain we can hear a voice with a German accent saying "your papers, please ..." So, do we point fingers and blame at the good people of Arizona? Frank Rich says it all goes much deeper than that.


• As if Louisiana hasn't had enough trouble, now an off-shore oil platform has exploded and sank in the Gulf, and the oil slick could be worse than the Exxon-Valdez disaster. But wait, there's more. Investigators delving into the possible cause of the massive oil spill are focusing on the role of Houston-based Halliburton Co., the giant energy services company, which was responsible for cementing the drill into place below the water. The company acknowledged Friday that it had completed the final cementing of the oil well and pipe just 20 hours before the blowout last week. Combine this information with the knowledge that Dick (we-call-him-Dick) Cheney is in league with Satan and, well, draw your own conclusions.


• Well it was only a matter of time before President Obama would get caught up in some sort of sex scandal. Get ready for it, because here it comes. Who else but The National Enquirer has gotten the scoop on Obama's secret hotel rendezvous with a beautiful woman. Jesusmaryandjoseph ...

Weekend Update - April 24th

• Exposed nipples? Anal sex? Ohmygawd, what exactly is it that's causing all these earthquakes, volcanos, corrupt Republican politicians, etc.? Let us pose our query to the experts. Let us ask, say, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior Iranian cleric, one of those gnarled, severe, crusted-over Muslims you should always turn to with the big questions about women, love and man's imminent downfall, because hoary old guys like him never lie or make s-- up just to maintain their power, authority and secret access to gay prostitutes and cocaine. Let's see what Sedighi says: "Many women who do not dress modestly... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." You guessed it, Mark Morford reports.


• Seen kids acting strange while hanging out at the mall lately? Think it's probably just drugs? Well, you might be right, although not exactly as you think. "Antipsychotics, which are being widely and irresponsibly prescribed for American children--mostly as chemical restraints--are shown to be causing irreparable harm," warned Vera Hassner Sharav, president of the Alliance for Human Research Protection, in a February 26, 2010 InfoMail. The use of powerful antipsychotics with privately insured children, aged 2 through 5 in the US, doubled between 1999 and 2007, according to a study of data on more than one million children with private health insurance in the January, 2010, "Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry." Click here for more.


• This story just keeps on getting more disgusting. I think, in retrospect, most of actually knew this was happening all along, but no one one knew what the hell to do about it. In late 2007, as the mortgage crisis gained momentum and many banks were suffering losses, Goldman Sachs executives traded e-mail messages saying that they would make “some serious money” betting against the housing markets. These people are truly evil, and most of them need to be stripped naked and thrown into a pit. 'Course that's just my opinion.


• Bad Hat's Idiot of the Week is former Vice President Dick (we-call-him-Dick) Cheney. Seems he talked the other day about the proudest moment in his storied political career. Remember when he told Patrick Leahey to "go f**k yourself"? "You'd be surprised how many people liked that," Cheney told conservative comedian and radio host Dennis Miller Thursday. "That's sort of the best thing I ever did." And you know what, we actually agree with him. What a putz.


• Remember that group that sent all the Governors letters telling them to step down in three days or be removed from office? An April Fool's prank or a group of fools? It would appear the latter. They call themselves The Guardians of the Free Republic, or some such nonsense, and if you want a little taste of what drives the "Tea Party" people into a frothy frenzy, check out this web site. I figure it's a bunch of beer-swilling over weight pig-brained bigoted Southern Baptists who can't stand the idea of a black President. 'Course, I may be wrong.

Driving the GOP Crazy

(Had to change the look of Bad Hat, but finally got Bad Hat Chief Political Correspondent Arthur in Marin County to break out his famous pen for us. Welcome back Arthur!)

by Arthur in Marin County

I am writing this in part to celebrate the stunning move of Bad Hat to unexpected heights of graphic stylishness. Who knew it could aim that high? Daily Kos and Huffington Post, eat your tacky hearts out!

In case you've forgotten, this is just a quick reminder that the Republican Party has been driving most of the American people crazy for a couple of decades now. Okay, longer. And while I am a live and let-live kinda guy, I'm just a notch away from dismissing them as political toadies and suckers-up to corrupt financial market manipulators and chiselers. But it would be wrong for me to do so and I have decided that I will not do it, no matter how true everyone knows it to be. See, it's time for a kindlier, gentler American public, one ready to forgive, but never, ever forget. Does John Boehner seem to have fallen asleep with his ManTan Rinse (TM) on and gotten a bit yellowed in the process, like an antique book? Does Senator (cough) Mitch McConnell look like his face is a fruit that was left out too long in the sun? Do both of those guys seem to be reading from a list of talking points drawn up for them by conservative Frank Luntz, to whom the truth is but a minor impediment, to be leaped in a single bound of slander and dishonesty? To call these folks out for the obvious jerks they are... would not be nice. So I, for one, will not do so.

But what we could do is this. We could support a guy called Kendrick Meek, currently serving in relative obscurity in the House of Representatives, for US Senator. From Florida. Who else is running? Governor Charlie Crist, a moderate Republican who is about to get swamped in the primary by Mario Rubio, who some might describe as a rightwing jerk and psycho. I would not. It wouldn't be right. But in the GOP primary this Rubio guy looks like he might whup on Charlie Crist. So Crist is thinking about running as an "independent". Good on him if he does, but that could easily split the vote like this: wingnut - moderate GOP - Democrat. Now since Florida is pretty well split between Democrats and Republicans (remember 2000?) it would stand to reason that Crist and Rubio might well split their base into a moderate/wingnut pissing match.

And there is one thing more; Kendrick Meek is African-American. I am not sure whether that is a plus or a minus for him, given that Obama did okay in Florida, but some of the Republicans would choke on their own spit if Meek won. I don't know much about Meek. He seems a decent and intelligent guy, he played football, was for a period of time a Florida Highway Patrolman. How many candidates for the US Senate could say that? You want "Law and Order"? How about electing a guy who really, really knows what it is like out there on the streets. Florida? There is no way I would want to try to keep the peace in Florida. Too much drug money, too many crazy people.

And there is one other thing about Meek that I like. If he wins, not only does it look like he'd do a quite capable job as a Democratic Senator, he'd do something else, too. He would probably do a very, very good job of outing all of the closet racists in the GOP who are winking and nodding at the crypto-racist "tea party activists". I am not saying that Mitch McConnell's head would explode, nor that John Boehner's would. But it would not make them happy. And for them to be unhappy would make me and many other Americans very, very, very happy right about now, because I am sick to death of those weasels. Ooops... I mean, "those gentlemen".

There is not much we can do to convince Charlie Crist to bolt from the GOP and run as an "independent". I don't think we need to. I think his ambition will do it for us. Crist loooves to be on TV. If he loses this election he will not be on TV as often. My money is on Crist jumping ship. And the rest will be history... anyhow, that's my bet as to what will happen.

Arthur

Weekend Update - April 17th

(Okay, in all honesty, the backyard project has been put on hold because of high water tables. Or table. Or something. It all boils down to this: We've had too much rain lately to do any serious digging. The ground is saturated. When the wind blows hard and you look out your window and see waves on your lawn ... well, you get my general drift here. But the good news is that the toilet is dutifully doing its duty for the time being. We await the great drying. But I digress ...)

• We'll give them a little break, at least. The Catholic Church has done some good, somewhere, I suppose. Those orphanages maybe. The ones where they didn't beat or sexually molest the children. There are some, aren't there? But c'mon. Isn't it time for this criminal organization to end? Verily, is the Catholic Church and its dank, nefarious heart, the Vatican, with its attendant red-robed apologists, unreformed child rapists and a leader who is, as Richard Dawkins rightly declares, "a leering old villain in a frock, who spent decades conspiring behind closed doors for the position he now holds ... a man whose first instinct when his priests are caught with their pants down is to cover up the scandal and damn the young victims to silence," is it safe to say this archaic and vile institution is finally nearing its end? Mark Morford reports.
• Okay, this one gets a little complicated for us average boomer slackers, but you may have noticed something happened to the economy lately. Well, the government has brought charges against a firm called Goldman Sachs. Basically Goldman was pushing investors to invest in stuff that they (Goldman and others) were betting against. Here is a cheerful story of how badly things can go wrong, when bad people have no oversight. Click HERE.
• What?! "Favoring the constitutional right to bear arms over others' concerns about gun safety, Gov. Jan Brewer on Friday signed into law a bill making Arizona the third state allowing people to carry a concealed weapon without requiring a permit." Good Gosh Almighty.
• Paul Krugman writes: On Tuesday, Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader, called for the abolition of municipal fire departments. Firefighters, he declared, “won’t solve the problems that led to recent fires. They will make them worse.” The existence of fire departments, he went on, “not only allows for taxpayer-funded bailouts of burning buildings; it institutionalizes them.” He concluded, “The way to solve this problem is to let the people who make the mistakes that lead to fires pay for them. We won’t solve this problem until the biggest buildings are allowed to burn.” Okay, so he's fibbing a bit. But it's a good point.
• There's really no substitute for hanging out at the New Orleans' Riverside Hilton bar during the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. Only there can you relax in comfort and enjoy a Caesar salad while being lectured to by the president of the Louisiana Women's Republican Club on why the idea of a secular American republic is "a lie sent directly from the flaming pits of Hell," and why secular Jews must accept the Word of God before the coming Final Battle, after which it will be too late. This may be the creepiest Republican story I've ever posted on Bad Hat. Read it at your own risk.

News From the Dahlia Farm in West Haven, Connecticut

As furthur proof that we are indeed all going to be all right, my friend, and pseudo-son Alex, aaaaa-way back East Coast (farther than I'll ever go) has delivered to me another pseudo grand baby, and budding Bad Hatter, I wager. And what a beautiful kid! Our love to all of you. (By the way Alex, you did learn how to change diapers, didn't you?)

Logan Song

April 9, 2010

7lbs 8oz

20 1/2 inches

Keep on truckin', folks. It's all good ...

Tuesday Update - April 6th

(And so the boy turns sixtyfiveyearsold. Good Lord. I find lately I've used the phrase "If I'da known I was gonna live this long I'da taken better care of myself" more than I ordinarily would [which would be never]. Tomorrow I sign up for Medicare part A, whatever that may be, under the direction of my advisor down at the salt mine. I wonder, is getting the sewer line in your back yard replaced part of the "aging process?" Removing fence portions, backhoe tracks over the rose bushes, patios ripped up piece by piece, and the lawn? I'm not actually doing any of the work, but I'm feeling pains previously unknown to my body. They say 65 is the new 50. Well who the hell are "they" and why don't they just leave us alone? Kill me now. But I digress ... )

• Remember that pesky little war in Iraq? The one we were assured would only last a few months and then we'd be greeted as liberators? Well, it's still going on, regardless of what you may have heard. And just when we'd like to forget about the whole shameful thing here comes this intense horrific little video. It's an 18-minute video, and it appears to be shot from the point of view of Apache helicopter pilots surveying a Baghdad neighborhood in 2007. It shows attacks that caused the deaths of 12 to 15 Iraqis, including two Reuters staff members, and the injury of two small children. Even more chilling than the video, is the audio. I offer it to you with the hope it makes you feel ill. WikiLeaks.Org


• Okay, maybe it's time to start using the "S" word. It's at least time to openly confront the fact that conservatives have spent the past 40 years systematically delegitimizing the very idea of US government. What's the word? Sedition - "The crime of creating a revolt, disturbance, or violence against lawful civil authority with the intent to cause its overthrow or destruction." Throw all the traitorous bastards in jail. Not enough room? Build more jails. Bygawd.


• The US Supreme Court recently voted to give giant US Corporations the same rights as average citizens. Then someone then please explain this to me: Most of struggle each year to compile enough money from our meager earnings to pay our fair share of income tax while huge American corporations like General Electric ($10.3 billion in pretax income), and Exon Mobil ($45.2 billion!) paid NO US taxes whatsoever. I figger rights is rights. I'm thinking of incorporating myself. (Is that possible?)


• "We know who you are and we know how you voted." The cretinous moron club, a group so low they don't even qualify for Bad Hat Idiot's of the Week, has sunken even lower than usual with their latest attacks: A rash of ugliness aimed at lawmakers who supported the sweeping federal health care legislation. Some lawmakers have been spit on and several have reported receiving threatening calls. Glenn Beck, et al, are doing their "job" well. Again I say, build more jails.


• You've got to give Sarah Palin this one, she's become an all-American brand name. This gritty little idiot, with all her down-home you-betcha folkyness has just absolutely won our hearts with her ... well, her grit? Pluck? Chutzpah? Golly, she's got her own TV show and everything. She's scheduled to show up in our dear old Eugene in a few days, and tickets to her speech are sold out. At $250 a pop. No, I will not be attending.


• In releasing the results of an in-depth nuclear strategy review, President Barack Obama said his administration would narrow the circumstances in which the U.S. might launch a nuclear strike, that it would forgo the development of new nuclear warheads and would seek even deeper reductions in American and Russian arsenals. Ohboy, this is gonna piss those conservative nuke lovers off. Remember Major Kong in the Movie "Dr. Stranglove?" "Oh hell, we aint come this far to drop this baby in the drink." Well, without their over abundance of nuclear weapons, just what are all those war mongers gonna do?


• And finally, Bad Hat's Idiot of the Week Dr. Jack Cassell, 56, a Florida urologist who considers the national health-care overhaul to be bad medicine for the country, posted a sign on his office door telling patients who voted for President Barack Obama to seek care "elsewhere." He said he got his information about the health care bill off the Internet, "like most Americans." If I lived in Florida, I would never let this man touch my peepee. (Settle down, I said he was a urologist.)