Weekend Update - May 22nd

• Okay, so we have one of the most, if not THE most devastating unnatural disasters in history still ongoing in the gulf with this horrible BP oil rig blowout, but information is just now surfacing as to the real cause of all this. Here is the good news: It has nothing whatsoever to do with annoying trifles like human error, mechanical failure, oil company oversight, greed, ignorance or plain ol' corporate malfeasance; it is nothing so mundane as, you know, normal life. Nope. It was those damned North Koreans and their submarine missles. The spill, oh naive one, was not caused by anything so pedestrian as a failed shutoff valve. It was, of course, caused by a small missile, shot from a secret North Korean mini sub on a political suicide mission out of Cuba, a weapon that specifically targeted the Deepwater Horizon and blew it up just prior to Earth Day, all of which was spotted and confirmed by Russia's Northern Fleet of invisible black submarines, which you have never heard of because they might or might not actually exist, so far as you know. I just knew it! Mark Morford reports.



• President Barak Obama has begun his sell-out campaign to the American Military-Industrial Complex by taking back most everything he invoked concerning the war in Iraq during his campaign during a speech at the West Point military academy last week. While focusing much of his speech on a theme of America’s 21st-century leadership, the president also gave a sneak preview of his own version of “mission accomplished” that he is likely to invoke when the last US combat troops leave Iraq this summer. Mr. Obama called the US engagement in Iraq a “success,” and he said he has no doubts that the graduates before him would someday be able to say the same of the US campaign in Afghanistan. I'm feeling a bit nauseous, but I'll continue with this report.



• I present to you The Rodeo Clown Who Is Glenn Beck. Mr. Beck, running out of ideas, defends himself by making fun of Congressman Weiner's name. Most of us stopped defensive tactics of this sort just short of the 5th grade. Sweet Jesus, I hate this idiot.



• Rand Paul, whats-his-name's son, has thrust himself into the media stage with some pretty outrageous comments lately, and is apparently a strange little guy. But Newsweek’s Howard Fineman, made excuses for Paul, saying he was just a political novice who hadn’t mastered the skill of packaging his answers in politically neutral ways. In other words, his only sin was believing too sincerely in his ideology and expressing it honestly. We think he's just another political oddity, but the Tea Partiers just love his little ass. Oh, by the way, after Rand's comments on Rachael Maddow's show the other day, Betsy Fischer, executive producer of NBC News' Meet The Press, tweeted Friday afternoon that Dr. Paul has apparently backed out of a scheduled appearance on the Sunday morning talk show. Seems the man has a bit of the old foot-in-mouth disease apparently. Booyah.



• 13-year-old Jordan Romero reached the top of Mount Everest today. The first thing he did was call his mom. I wish I could think of something to add to this story, but I think it speaks for itself.



• We do not like FaceBook. We do not trust FaceBook. We are not on FaceBook. We never have. And here's why.