Friday, April 8, 2016

It's a Lot Easier to Understand If You're Stoned

Just turned 71 the other day.  I can't seem to find any significance for this age; there are no "Happy 71!" birthday cards on the shelf down at the Bi-Mart; no rude T-shirts "I'm 71 and You Suck" advertised anywhere; so I just let it happen, calmly.  Didn't actually even think about what day it was until around 10 A.M., when someone wished me a happy one.  At any rate, what I did at 71 was, I became a farmer.  Here in Oregon, the powers-that-be decided that marijuana wasn't all THAT bad, and basically legalized the damn thing, with some restrictions. The Wife's medical problems have been documented here before, and MY health problems are known to those of you who need to know, and, well, marijuana has been advertised in many places as the antidote to pain and other symptoms.  So we thought, what the hell. She jumped through the required bureaucratic hoops and acquired a MMC, a Medical Marijuana Card, and I obtained an MMP Caregiver card which allows me to purchase medical marijuana without paying the 25% Oregon tax on recreational marijuana.  All good (and I will document the benefits in another column).  But the cool part of this is the farming.  We have purchased our own plant, with more on the way. We transplanted her into a really nice large pot and put her into the greenhouse, got some grow lights, and named her "Calliope."  I am now Gentleman John, Farmer. Calliope and I talk every morning, and she's just now beginning to bud.  Since she's a "Sativa" plant, we won't be getting too ripped by smoking her, her CBD output is much higher than her THC, but she will be making us feel better.  Which is what it's all about in the first place, right? For those of you who read me as regularly as I post who are saying "well, if he's stoned, why should I believe him?"  Ask yourself this question: "What?"  But I digress . . .

  • So, getting stoned seems to be a perfect antidote to American politics at this stage of the game. We have this Trump fellow who is trying mightily to outmaneuver this Cruz fellow on the Republican side (I know I didn't mention Kasich, calm down), and and Bill Clinton's wife Hillary is constantly debating Bernie Sanders on the Democratic side. But the really fun part of this dog-and-pony show is watching the collapse of the Grand Old Party. It has begun with the 40 or so members of Congress, who call themselves "The Freedom Caucus," which is made up of T-party Republicans who demand to get their way even if it means shutting down the entire government.  They're the ones responsible for ouster of Crying John Boehner, and the rise of Ted Cruz. They want, amongst other things, to dismantle government health plans, to balance the national budget with huge spending cuts, and, of course, completely defund Planned Parenthood. Oh, and did I mention they want to overturn every Obama executive order of the last 7 1/2 years? They love Cruz because he's the poster-boy of the T-baggers whom the good old boys despise, and they're doubtful of Trump because of his past leanings and utterances concerning abortion, and the second amendment, among other things. These idiots are the malignant mass of the body republican, and when the GOP finally self terminates, and it will soon, they will splinter off and form their own party. Only remains to be seen what they will call themselves.  Fascists?  God's Chosen?  God help us all.
  • McDonald's in Japan has begun serving a new hamburger named "Giga Big Mac," which consists of the usual condiments and FOUR beef patties.  They are quoted as saying the massive treat is "meant to be shared."  (Isn't that sweet?)
  • Some of us are old enough to remember the release of the so-called "Pentagon Papers," which exposed truths concerning the Vietnam War and contributed to an abrupt end to the Nixon administration.  But now we have "the Panama Papers," which threaten to expose how heads of state, oligarchs, and other celebrities launder money, escape sanctions, and worse of all, avoid paying taxes.  This was not done by WikiLeaks or Edward Snowden or any of the usual suspects, but by a German newspaper.  Who does this report implicate?  Among others the list includes President Assad of Syria, Prime Minister David Cameron's late father, and Icelandic Prime Minister Sig Gunnlaugsson.  This just reinforces our long-time belief that rich and powerful people have found ways to rip all the rest of us off by manipulating the system in their favor.  (Lemme hear ya say "Go Bernie!)  Reports say that between 2004 and 2013 developing and emerging economies lost almost $8 Trillion to these bastards.  Not shocked and surprised?  Me neither.
  • Saw our girl Sarah Palin the other day on the teevee.  She was in fine form as usual, unzipping the fly of her mouth and exposing her uglies in front of an audience in Wisconsin on the night before the primaries. It was at the local American Serb Hall, and the gibberish coming out of her mouth hole was so incomprehensible that people were giggling and talking to each other. Noticing the response, Palin suddenly said "It's not something to laugh at, friends."  Sarah used to be the Donald Trump of the Republican Party.  Now she's just pathetic.
  • White Supremacists for Trump!  Former KKK leader David Duke has endorsed Donald Trump, saying "voting against Donald Trump at this point is really treason to your heritage."  "Your," one would assume, would be white christian people.  Duke said this in spite of Trump's apparent support for the State of Israel, which David Duke has a tremendous snit for.  (Among other things)  Bad Hat salutes David Duke for being a genuinely consistent asshole for most of his adult life.
  • Oregon, and the Willamette Valley in particular, have enjoyed beautiful spring weather the past few days, and we've all been digging in the dirt and falling asleep with a brandy in our hands, in lawn chairs, in the late afternoon, listening to Pink Floyd, and letting Dave Gilmour's talented fingers take us to the next dimension.  Oh, that reminds me, I've got to go water Calliope.  Party on People!
Love, JP

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Pivoting the Political Circle Jerk

I believe I can speak for at least a portion of my Liberal generation (those close to or over 70) when I say we can't really remember any other presidential campaigns like this one, this year.  Most of us
started with Eisenhower.  Ike.  We liked Ike.  Good man, war hero.  Mom and Dad both loved him. Then we switched parties when Jack Kennedy ran his campaign.  We secretly loved his wife more than him, but it was at least a lot of fun. Then President Johnson and his wonderfully Liberal "Great Society," whom we kinda resented, because he sent a lot of us to Vietnam, and so we placed his legacy in a dark place.  Oh, and then we lived through the Nixon nightmare, with Watergate and Tricky Dick's personal madness; and the Carter blackmail campaign where Ronald Reagan claimed responsibility for freeing the Iran hostages, and we all crapped ourselves when the evil Dubya stole the election not once, but twice.  (By the way, Dubya's brother Jeb is also in the running this year, and is proving to be even less coherent than the Great Mumbler was.) We cringed and wept silently as our country went through the grinder called Iraq, and held our outrage as much as we could, as the banks and the moneyed people in our own country brought the average American family to its knees, all for money, all for money.

And then our countrymen voted for the first black president in history.  Barrack Obama stood before the American people and spoke such beautiful words, with such strength and wisdom, with such logic and hope, as to cause all of us to say yes, here is the man who will fix all of this. As to whether he accomplished his repair work is still up for debate, but most of us believe he genuinely tried.  But there was one oversized problem with Barrack Obama that just wouldn't go away.  He was a black man.  That fact stirred up the marginally intelligent crowd, the redneck part of America that normally ignored politics in favor of NASCAR races.  Of course, as with any Democratic president, there was the usual "he's coming to take away our guns" nonsense, which did more to boost gun and ammunition sales than anything the NRA could do.  But this man was also black.  A black man with an odd, foreign-sounding name.  Until the very last day of his presidency, Obama will be The Enemy to these people for just that reason.

And now they have a champion. Six-foot-three, sixty-nine year old, American super entrepreneur, Donald J. Trump has surprised most every political pundit in America by blustering his way into the Republican campaign for president, and by all indications is doing quite well, by leading in practically all the national Republican polls.  Does he use beautiful words, full of strength and wisdom, with logic and hope?  By any standard, the answer is no.  He possesses the school-yard bully's ability to appeal to the social racist in all of us. If you aren't "one of us" you're a part of the Apocalypse.  (Damn right!) If you can't produce the proper papers, you should be rounded up and thrown out of the country. (Hell yes!)  If you practice any religion other than Judeo-Christian, you should be banned from even entering the United States. (Goddamn right!)  Unfortunately, that's about all Trump has to offer, except that he is by all weights and measures, the exact opposite of Barrack Obama.  Trump is the "white man's dream" candidate.  No heavy thinking, just vague references of how he's going to make everything "huge." I want to ask my Republican friends, and I sincerely would like an intelligent answer, is this the man you really want in the White House for the next four years?

On the other hand, the Democrats have narrowed their choices down to two viable candidates.  (I know, Martin O'Malley is the third, but will not be discussed here at this time)  The nominating race is close, between former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. Clinton, a New York State Senator from 2001-2009, is the wife of former President Bill Clinton, who comes to this motel carrying more baggage than the bellhops can carry, but she has more inside experience than possibly anyone on the planet.  Sanders is a "democratic socialist" who promises to break up the big banks and push for universal "single payer" healthcare.  I know this description is very limited, but I trust that most of my readers know who these people are.

The arguments for Hillary Clinton include her past participation in health care reforms during her husband's presidency, and her assurances that as Barrack Obama's successor, she will protect and continue with his programs.  Senator Sanders, whom most supporters call "Bernie," is a mildly pro-gun populist from Vermont (born and raised in Brooklyn, NY), who was for many years listed as an Independent in party politics. Unlike Clinton, Sanders was an outspoken opponent of the Iraqi War. He is a Social Democrat who believes we are experiencing income inequality in this country, and he believes in universal healthcare, and of course, climate change.

So, briefly, there you have it.  American politics in 2016.  We have about 10 more months of politicking until all this will be over for a bit, and there will be many changes in those months ahead, I assure you.  All of the candidates are just one big gaffe away from losing it all, and there's plenty of time for any of them to screw their chances into the mud.  It's all fun to watch, if you don't get too serious.  Speaking for my naturally revolutionist self, at this particular point, and in reference to the first paragraph in this essay, I can "feel the Bern."

JP