(I know, the election has come and gone and Bad Hat made nary a peep about the whole affair. Well dammit Dorothy, there's more important things in this world than those wimpy Democrats losing to wily tea drinking bible-thumpers! We here at headquarters have been out in the field chasing down radioactive rabbits! Remember when you use to think of Oregon and you'd instantly think of the world's largest orgasm? Well you were wrong then, and you're wrong now. Oregon is home to what is considered the largest single organism in the world, an Armillaria ostoyae fungus beneath the Malheur National Forest of eastern Oregon. And now we have radioactive rabbits. Lots and lots of little glowing fuzzy bunnies. If that doesn't call for a drink, I don't know what does. But I digress . . .)
- We don't have much to say about the mid-terms, except to say they went about how we thought they would. Remember, these are people who for some strange reason continue to vote against their own self-interests. So don't worry, it will be interesting as usual to watch the Righties weird everything up. For example here's a short list of a few who won: Allen West in Florida with his ties to violent criminal sorts; Austin Scott in Georgia, who thinks people who receive unemployment benefits should undergo random drug testing; Tennessee's Scott DesJarlais who, after being accused of spousal abuse, held a gun in his mouth for three hours. His election was termed a landslide. Then we've got Dan Quayle's son, little Ben Quayle of Arizona, who after apparently contributing to a raunchy (sex) website, and then straight out lying about it - which we have no real problem with, except for the straight out lying part - won his congressional seat by double digits. Which begs the question: Who are these people running against? Radioactive rabbits?
- Remember George Bush? "Dubya" I mean, the Worst President Ever Imaginable, The Idiot They Gave the Keys To, The Man Who Put "Food On Your Family," THAT guy? The man who was President of the United States when terrorists flew airplanes into buildings and killed thousands of innocent people, and who went to war with two countries and became responsible for the death hundreds of thousands of Innocent people, and who's administration was responsible for the world's worse f**kup when hurricane Katrina destroyed thousands more lives, etc., etc., that guy? Last week George "Dubya" Bush said the worst moment of his presidency was when Kanya West called him a racist. Holy Crap. I prayed for something humorous to say to that. However, just as I suspected, there was no answer.
- Remember that Hope™ and Change™ thing you young Democrats were so excited about a couple years ago? Sounded great, didn't it? We were all fired up with you, and your bright shiny Chicago-style candidate, and we all got on that bandwagon with you. We thought maybe you young people could change the world. Well, Mark Morford has a feeling you haven't been hanging in there like you should. See what happens when you wallow in hollow disappointment, trudging all over your liberal arts campus and refusing to vote in a rather important mid-term election, all because your pet issues and nubile ego weren't immediately serviced by a mesmerizing guy named Barack Obama just after he sucked you into his web of fuzzyhappy promises a mere two years ago, back when you were knee-high to a shiny liberal ideology? Get ready to be yelled at, and you deserve it.
- Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Grab a beer and read this: The Definition of Insanity.
- Our conservative friend(s) who read this column occasionally would, without this notice, mockingly accuse us of trying to skirt this issue, so here we go: Keith Olbermann was suspended by MSNBC indefinitely for contributing to three liberal campaigns. There, we await the details from our man Olbermann. We're still wondering how all those good ol' boys at Fox News get away with their thousands of dollars in contributions, not to even mention the owners the Fox News Corporation. Remember, as Bill Mahar said the other night, "Keith Olbermann is right when he says he's not the equivalent of Glenn Beck. One reports facts, the other one is very close to playing with his poop." There's more to this whole story, just wait and see.
- If you haven't already had more than enough about this recent election, here's the wrap up from Mother Jones: DEM-olition!
- And finally, a short note to sum it all up from Arthur, who is in London on business: "A debacle of an election, but a bruising midterm can have a good outcome often. Obama has been cruising, something one does not get to do while President. One needs to keep campaigning constantly, not stay in the bubble. He's smart, he's gotten the message. A number of the new Senators and Congressmen are batshit crazy and should give light and voice to their bullshit, so we all can see what crawled out from under the rock. Keith Olbermann? A great pr stunt. A nice vacation and a huge out-welling of support. He is probably a pain in the ass to work with, so this is no shock on many levels. Probably do him some good." Thanks, and jolly good, Arthur. Have a great week everyone!
