Saturday, August 3, 2013

A Moving Experience

We've moved again.  The owners of our rental house on the hill finally retired at whatever they were doing in Texas, and have nudged us out of their dream home in Eugene.  The fools.  First of all, they're Texans.  Texans don't assimilate into our hippy-liberal-vegan-Saturday Market-type of
lifestyle easily.  One or two "y'alls" and they find themselves being treated like Chihuahuas without a green card.  And secondly, living on an extreme incline is very hard on old retired hips, especially the "ups," and not forgetting the "downs." But, we wish them well. Sorta.

Now, moving.  Who of us hasn't at one time or another said these words:  "I hate moving."  Moving an entire household is a semi-religious experience much like embarking on a pilgrimage to some mountain top shrine, where upon arrival you're beaten senseless by savages with sticks.  And when you're near 70 years of age, they set fire to your body afterwards.  But it had to be done.  And bygawd, thanks to a select few of my friends and family, we did it.

I realize now, for sure, why we have friends.  Friends will drop in unexpectedly, eat your food, borrow your lawnmower, flirt with your wife, spill your whiskey on your carpet, and sleep on your couch.  And they, and their pickup trucks, will help you move.  Over the past several days I have had the most extraordinary help of friends such as Dan Budd, Vic Hansen, and especially Vern Wells, and I mention them only because these names should be carved into some special granite monument to friendship everywhere.  Thanks, guys.  You actually saved my aging ass. 

The new place is cool, mainly because it's located on flat ground; no hills to climb to the front door; the car door won't slam shut as we're trying to get the groceries out of the back, and we can actually grow vegetables and flowers in the back yard because the freaking deer don't come down this low.  The old house we referred to as "The Hill House," because, well, it was on a hill.  We christened this house "The Hobbit House," because of the unusual placement of windows on the east wall of the living room.  They're located high on the wall, definitely not for gazing out of, and reminds me of a basement apartment I once rented in the 70's. But it's cool. I think we're home.  And I just have one more question:  WHERE in the HELL did we get all this CRAP?  Expect a monster garage sale.  But I digress ...
  • Are you gluten intolerant?  ohwellshithellyes, that gluten stuff is messing up my body, and after I stopped eating bread and stuff I feel SOOO much better so I must be gluten intolerant, right?  Another question; can you actually feel WI-FI energy pulsing around you from sinister machines not only in your house, but from around your neighborhood?  Well, chances are, you're not, and I'm pretty sure, you can't.  How about MSG?  Is it really killing you?  How about this one, Are You a Sex Addict?  Ohfercrissakes ... Let's let Mark Morford straighten you out here:  Attack of the Gluten Intolerant Sex Addicts
  • From various news sources, especially that Fox thing, we hear constant reports of local and international Muslim terrorism, plots and attacks, bearded head-towel wearing maniacs driven to madness by the evils of  that godless religion.  Seems kinda funny (not) that we don't hear so much about the Christian driven terrorists.  Christian terrorist, you say?  What in heaven's name could we be talking about?  Well, check this article out and get back to me:  "Ten of the Worse Terror Attacks by Extreme Christians and Far-Right White Men"
  • Our beloved Republican Party is continuing its bizarre love affair with the late Ronald Reagan.  Ever since Reagan's death Republicans have been attempting to name everything possible after The Gipper, including airports and aircraft carriers.  Now they want to name 3.4 million square nautical miles of ocean after him.  So how does the "Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone" sound to you?  Jesusmaryandjoseph.
  • As of this morning, the United States Government hasn't been able to get its hands on fugitive Edward Snowden, that evil man who had the audacity to inform the American people (and others) what the United States Government was actually doing.  The government's frustrating chase of Snowden has been, at the very least, quite entertaining to watch.  And there's much more to the story according to Professor Noam Chomsky in this article: "Is Edward J. Snowden Aboard This Plane?"
  • In our never-ending search to bring you the best of the best top ten lists, here's one that Fox News haters will love: "The 10 Worse Fox Interviews of the Decade"  Enjoy!