A Bad Hat Rant

(A rant.  Seriously, a rant.  Who woulda thought ...?)

Okay, so now really.  Let's you and me talk, okay?  If you're a staunch Republican and you vote the straight Republican ticket every year, and if you think that it's a good thing Al Gore wasn't elected president because global warming is a hoax and he was coming after your guns ... well, maybe you should skip this post.  Go do whatever it is you normally do when an adult calls you out on yet another silly idea, and you get genuinely offended.  Go pout.  Have a drink.  Go shoot something. Put it on my tab. I just really really have to get the following off my chest, once and for all.

If you're still reading, here goes:  Dude, I told you so.  GOD that's good to get off my chest.  I, WE, told you so.  Since July 5th, 2007 we've been trying to explain to you what was wrong with the Republican Party and you haven't listened.  Nope.  Not one word.  You were all guns, illegal aliens, gays, sanctity of marriage, abortion, war against drugs, and war against Christmas.  You listened to FOX News and swore your allegiance to pundits like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and even certifiably insane people like Glenn Beck.  You had pity for poor people but considered them 3rd class citizens who were, for all intent and purposes, expendable.  Expanded health care for the poor?  Nah, that's why we have emergency rooms.  Even if you were like the majority of us working class stiffs who barely got by and who couldn't retire because of rising health care costs, you STILL called yourself a Republican, and ohmygawd did you think YOU were going to win the freaking lottery and be a RICH person too?  If I'm talking to you, you're an idiot.  And you "free market" assholes, well, yeah, the poor can go to the ER for a broken leg, and we could make every freaking food stamp recipient take a weekly urine test, but will the market adjust enough to help these people?  What the hell is wrong with you?  I mean, seriously.

But you know what the sad thing really is?  Some of you, perhaps most of you (I don't have the statistics, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt) didn't REALLY believe all the bullshit they were feeding you, you just wanted, needed, to believe it.  Why?  WHY did you do that?  Do you actually believe that Barack Obama is coming to take your guns away from you, or are you just freaking nuts?  Either way, you're incredibly weird.

You're Out of Touch.  You're out of touch with mainstream America.  You say you care about all sorts of inane bullshit that quite frankly most of us DON'T. The Republican Handbook needs a serious re-write. Don't get angry with me (he said, knowing full well you are), some of you are amongst not only my best friends, but also my freaking family.  I really don't want to piss you off.  I want to wake you up.  On a few of the issues we face today in this country, you are totally wrong.  Period.  This election should be a wake-up call to all of you.  Now seriously, pay attention. Bring, nay DRAG your party into the 21st century.  The year is 2012, and in recognition of when I became cognisant of what year it was, around 1950, THIS IS THE FUTURE!  A black man is President of the United States and we're not all going to die on December 21st.  Want to guess who we're going to elect in 2016?  A woman. 

Okay. Sorry.  I may have gone too far with that last one.  I just wanted to see if you were still reading me.  At any rate, between here and now you guys have to grow. the. hell. up.  Stop being so stupid.  Most conservatives are pretty intelligent people, but a large majority of you seem to have a streak of stupidity that defies logic.  Stop it.  Go clean your room.  Respect your elders.  Sit down and pay attention.  And for gawd sakes, for just a bit, shut the hell up.


God bless America ... JP