Happy Tax Day - Monday Update

(We experienced a sad moment the other day when we heard that the world had lost one of its best improvisational comedians, Jonathan Winters.  I remember listening to Jonathan Winters records in my late teens and falling in love with his repeating characters such as Maudie Frickert and Elwood P. Suggins.  Back in the 50's and early 60's, comedians were a bit different than now, a little more clownish and a lot less profane, and we bought their LP's to listen to over and over until we had them all but memorized.  How many of us old guys can still do a Cosby bit?  ("Noah!" "Is that you Lord?")  One of my favorite Winters routines involved a boy named Lamar Jean who after telling everyone he was going to fly, scotched-taped 147 pigeons to his arms and jumped off a cliff.  He was actually doing well until "some damned fool throw'd a bag of popcorn in the stone quarry and he bashed his brains out."  While his style of improv never worked for a TV series, he guest starred on every talk show available.  It was difficult for him to even star in movies, although those of us who knew him will never forget his roles in "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World," and "The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming."  While some comedians of that era played comedy a bit more sophisticated than Jonathan, i.e. Bob Newhart, Shelley Berman, and Mort Sahl, he was the only one who could take a plain stick and improv with it until tears rolled down your face in laughter.  Of course part of the sadness I'm feeling is that Jonathan Winters was a part of my youth and early adult life, and his passing reminds me of our own mortality. Here's five of Jonathan's funniest bits.  Rest in peace Jonathan.  But we digress ...)

•  Karen Brauer, president of something called Pharmacists for Life (and I don't even want to get into that one) was quoted as saying “When these [drugs] are right out there with the bubble gum, they’re going to be part of the date rape cocktail."  What?  What's this?  Some sort of "roofie" drug to knock out an unsuspecting young lady at a party?  Well, actually no, what Karen is so alarmed about is that a federal judge has finally ruled that emergency contraception (Plan B) be made available to all ages without a prescription.  Available even to the under 17 set.  Shocking, you say?  About time, you say?  Wait 'till you read what Mark Morford says.  "Bubblegum and the Date Rape Cocktail."
• We're growing increasingly weary of gun ownership advocates who yammer on incessantly about how more gun laws "won't stop gun tragedies from happening," "won't stop crazy assholes from using assault rifles against classrooms full of small children," and who complain like it's the end of the world because stores are running out of ammunition to buy lately.  A distant friend of mine wrote on FaceBook the other day that he was disgusted with whomever was "dragging the parents of the Newtown kids out and parading them in front of the cameras to further gun control legislation."  I "unfriended" him, a satisfying tool that should be available in real life too.  No one ever said controlling the flow of guns in this country would eliminate gun violence, any more than creating tough pollution laws would eliminate pollution in this country.  The Second Amendment is obsolete, even the conservative New York Post thinks so, and those who constantly throw it in the face of concerned citizens to defend their insane obsession with high-capacity firearms are in need of counseling, at least.
• And while we're on the subject, here's a little item you may have missed.  Apparently the National Rifle Association sponsored a NASCAR race the other day, and during it a drunken man in the infield pulled out a gun and committed suicide.  Let's see, I believe that's called "Irony." 
• From the I Really Wish I Hadn't Said That Dept.:  From singer(?) heart-throb Justin Bieber, after visiting the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam the other day, "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."  Cute.
• And finally, a Republican Congressman from Texas named Steve Stockman, has written a new bumper sticker for his campaign.  It reads: "If Babies Had Guns, They Wouldn't Be Aborted."  Seriously.

  

We Got Crabs In Netarts Bay

(So we got that pesky birthday thing done with and now I'm one year nearer to the average obituary age.  And never mind the fact that I thought the big day was on Saturday, when actually it was on Friday.  But, oh well, I'm now firmly planted in my sixty-eight year.  Jonathan's spring break week was exciting for us both.  We left Mom to tend to the livestock and he and I traveled to the far northwest to visit long time friends Jerry and Cheri' at their new beach house in Netarts, Oregon, of all places.  Netarts is a small village about 6 miles west of Tillamook, Tillamook being where they make all the cheese.  Jerry took Jonathan out into Netarts Bay for his first lesson in crabbing, and even though the crabbing at that time wasn't very good, they managed to bring home two large males.  The Boy had his first taste of fresh crab that evening, with drawn butter and garlic, and declared it outofthisworld.  And Jeez, I didn't even mention Easter.  Some of my friends have sent me messages claiming "he is rizen."   I'm working on a story for the Syfy Network along those same lines.  But I digress ... )

• What could possibly go wrong with this idea?  Wal-Mart is considering having customers deliver online purchases to other customers who live near the route they may be taking home.  In other words, Wal-Mart will offer you a discount on your own purchases, if you'll kindly drop off a few packages to other customers who've bought something on-line.  As this article points out, this is "taking exploitation to the next level."
• Here's a sobering and frightening look at the short history of drone strikes committed by the United States government.  Pitch Interactive, a California-based data visualization shop, has created a beautiful, if somewhat controversial, visualization of every attack by the US and coalition forces in Pakistan since 2004. We're still not sure of the legality, let alone the morality, of these pilotless, video-game killing machines, in spite of the fact that it keeps our pilots out of harm's way.  Something doesn't smell right.  Check this out, from Mother Jones, and you decide.
• As much as it pains me to say this, even defense-spending Republicans are alarmed about the newer military drones.  "Boeing, the aircraft manufacturing giant from Seattle, helped defeat a Republican proposal in Washington state that would have forced government agencies to get approval to buy unmanned aerial vehicles, popularly known as drones, and to obtain a warrant before using them to conduct surveillance on individuals."  David Taylor, a Republican member of the state legislature, introduced a bill to regulate drone use. The proposed law quickly won support from several Democratic party politicians on the state Public Safety Committee, as well as members of the ACLU.  Is the end of world coming, or not?  Holy Cow!
• Being, or at least claiming to be, an atheist is not an socially acceptable position to take as yet, but we're gaining on it.  To attempt to take a purely scientific view of life is not popular with approximately 50% of Americans.  I used to refer to myself as a "militant agnostic," because that phrase made me smile, and it was really close to what I really felt about all this nonsense.  But now I'm nearing 70, I feel I have a right to declare myself.  I am NOT a believer in superstitious mumbo-jumbo, no matter how it's dressed up.  And our numbers are growing.  Our numbers are growing so fast that some people, like Frans De Waal, are saying that militant atheists have created a new religion.  What do you think?
• And along those same lines, here's something you probably didn't see for Easter.  Hope you found all your eggs, and the bunny was good to you this year.
  

Friday Update - Basketball?

(Hey, where did all these basketball fans come from?  From out of the woodwork of the NCAA Tournament in San Jose, California, that's where.  Normally, in our family, the term "March Madness" usually is used in reference to a furniture sale at some local emporium, or perhaps the emotion surrounding yet another forecast of heavy rain for tomorrow.  But there's something about our U of O Ducks basketball team this year.  They're not only good, they're winning. Mind you, I'm not a big basketball fan.  I'm more of a 100-yard, 4-down man.  But we all love our Ducks of any persuasion around here, and when they're winning we especially love to ride on the wagon.  First they got our attention by winning the Pac12 Championship. So I'm almost obligated to assume you're interested in all this, and tell you where The (Mighty) Duck Basketball Team stands at this point in the NCAA Tournament:  Seeded 12th, The Ducks beat #5 Oklahoma State yesterday, 68-55, at the opening game of the tournament.  Saturday they play #4 Saint Louis.  Maybe it's just because there's no football being played at the moment, or it's because the Duck hoopsters are so much fun to watch, or maybe a little of both:  I'm hooked.  Go Ducks!  But I digress ...)

• If Bad Hat had a Person-of-the-Week Award it would go to Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, who so far in her young career has made a name for herself as a brazen tell-it-like-it-is equal opportunity questioner.  David Bernstein says Warren "has an independence and authority that frees her to be outspoken without getting alienated."  Check out Bernstein's article and rejoice the fact we have someone on the hill who's on our side.
• We passed a milestone the other day.  The tenth anniversary of the night of "Shock and Awe," the beginning of the war in Iraq.  This little skirmish that Rummy told us was going to last "six days .. six weeks," and would cost us no more than $60 billion (estimated cost to date: approaching $2 trillion), has mainly been swept under the media rug, something most of us would rather not talk about anymore.  Even though this unnecessary tragedy will never be over for hundreds of thousand of veterans and their families, including those in the ranks of the daily suicide rate (more Iraq Vets have committed suicide than were killed in combat), for some reason the Iraq War has become what Jon Lee Anderson calls " the Great American Unmentionable, the fiasco that was."  From The New Yorker, How We Forgot Iraq.
• Apparently Bill O'Reilly hasn't been institutionalized as yet, because he's still saying ridiculous things on television and radio.  This latest one, I love.  O'Reilly usually uses the cold winter months to rail against the evil-doers attempting to get rid of Christmas (i.e. The War On Christmas).  This year he's after those of us on the Left who are trying to destroy the Easter Bunny.  That's right, Bill thinks that "secular progressives" are trying to do away with the beloved Easter Bunny so that abortion will be legalized in America, just like it is in China and, gasp, Canada!  If that makes sense to you I sincerely hope I don't strike up a conversation with you at some party this summer.  Read this and see if you can understand O'Reilly:  The Left Is Trying to Destroy the Easter Bunny So That Everyone Can Do Drugs and Have Abortions. 
• Taking a plane trip next week during Spring Break?  Get ready to be humiliated and/or assaulted by TSA agents at the airport.  Here's an article that does more than any recent one on the subject to explain why I don't fly anymore, as it tells of TSA agents ordering a wheel-chair bound double amputee Marine Vet to put his new prosthetic legs on and "walk" through the scanner.  It also lists other insanities of the TSA and their perceived "threats" such as 18-month-old babies, 84-year-old grandmothers, and dangerous cupcake frosting.  To their credit, the TSA did pat-down suspected war criminal Henry Kissinger, so they can't be all bad ... 
• And speaking of war criminals, one more time, with authority:   Said Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, writing in his memoir, "I am saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: the Iraq war is largely about oil."  To which I add:  The fact that George Bush and Dick Cheney are still walking around without formally being charged with war crimes is one of the great shames of our times. 

Popes, Billionaires, and the Anti-Cheney

(We've been enjoying an early Spring here in Oregon this week, with temperatures dangerously near 70 at times with no rain.  In our neighborhood the daily sound is the drone of lawn mowers and leaf blowers, with the occasional jarring braap of a chain saw.  It's all an illusion, of course, as we true Oregonians know that the weather around here can be cruel to those who rototill too early.  Last year we had 4 inches of snow at the end of March.  By the way, today is "pi day," 3/14, get it?  It is also the day I retired, exactly one year ago.  But I digress ...)

• Does anyone but me see the joke potential in having a Nazi Pope retire and an Argentine Pope take his place?  Can anyone tell me what the hell this is all about?  Why do we have be subjected to hourly media coverage of this nonsense?  Maybe this will explain some of it.
• Dumb people hate to read.  At least they hate to read anything more complicated than comic books and menu items on the reader board at the Burger King drive-up window.  So how do some organizations who love dumb people, such as churches and the Republican party for example, attract their flock?  I mean, consider this: 18% of Americans believe the Sun revolves around the Earth.  Another 18% still believes the President of the United States is a Muslim.  Surely people don't get ALL their news from FOX News, do they?  Mark Morford comments "37 Percent of People Completely Lost."
• It's been a while since we checked in with the world's billionaires, those bloated fat cats who never worry about paying the utility bill on time.  This year, the combined wealth of the world's billionaires hit an all-time high of 5.4 trillion dollars.  Just for fun, here's a list of the 10 Worst People on Forbes Billionaires List, beginning with, of course, The Koch Brothers.
• And as the billionaires keep getting richer and richer, the homeless are becoming more and more invisible.  Cutting safety net programs for families in need to fund the non-need for F-35 fighter jets has seemingly become the national political norm.  For example, how would you raise 5 kids in a tiny camper?  "The Atrocious Ways America Treats Poor Women and Children."
• Don't know about you, but I'm getting a little uneasy about President Obama's secrecy surrounding the drone program.  I've even gone so far as to feel almost thankful for Rand Paul's recent filibuster which called attention to this problem, even though I still think Rand Paul is a bit of a nut case. And what's this about the administration saying they have legal justification to drone kill American citizens?  What?  And now we have President Obama trying to calm us about all this by saying at least "I'm not Dick Cheney."  Well, that's comforting in some surreal way I suppose, but I'm afraid we need a bit more information than that.
• And finally, thanks too the urging of several Vietnam era veteran friends of mine, and especially to my advocate friend Dirk, I went down to the local Veterans Affairs office in town and signed up for overdue benefits. Apparently some of my ailments are on the list of symptoms of Agent Orange poisoning and I am entitled to a monthly stipend.  Who would have guessed?  And while we're on the subject, here's some interesting news:  Representative Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) proclaimed the other day the "Vietnam was winnable!"  Apparently he agrees with some of us who have always believed we were just two 20 megaton bombs away from beating those little bastards. 

Basketball Diplomacy

If you had to pick a public American figure to travel to North Korea and meet with the 28 year old heir to the leadership of that fortified and embattled nation, who would you pick? The head of Google and Bill Richardson? Tried that, no luck. Oh Hell, let's just roll the dice and send in the most undiplomatic and unpredictable person we can find. A complete nut case. Who would that be? Bingo, Dennis Rodman. Oh, I know, you're going to say that is like something from a movie, that it would NEVER WORK.

Until, guess what, it did. Let me take this a step further. Could ANYONE ever imagine Dennis Rodman getting a Nobel Peace Prize? Hey, the committee are all Norwegians, they don't do things that make sense to us, they do what they think makes sense. You heard it here first. I am debating making a call to a bookmaker in London to put down a bet on this one.

Arthur

Giving It Up For Lent

So here we are in the third week or so of Lent, and Lent being that particular holy time when Christians are supposed to be reflecting on or taking stock of their religious lives.  Lent believers usually give up something they enjoy during this time as a sacrifice to release themselves from worldly pleasures and get nearer to God, or some such nonsense.  The leader of millions of Catholics across the globe has observed Lent by giving up his job.  I suggest to whomever in the Catholic Church still has free will and a clear mind, for Lent, give up the Catholic Church. 

Now that there's no Pope, here's a list of things you Catholics can now legally do:  (1) Wear a condom. (2) Masturbate.  (3) Stop giving money to the most wealthy church in the world. (4) Eat meat on Fridays, and Ash Wednesday. (5) Stop feeling sad and grave during High Mass. (6 ) Be gay. (7) Marry anyone you want.  (8) Get divorced. (9) Give up on the AntiChrist, he ain't comin'. (10)  Stop thinking Father Casey just wants to check the tags in your underwear.

Dribbling, Shooting, and Waiting to Die

(So I spend $78 dollars for the Boy and me to go see the Harlem Globetrotters last Friday at the relatively new Phil Knight built basketball palace, and as I'm pressing the "buy" key I'm thinking back to circa late 50's when another boy saw "the clown princes of basketball" at MacArthur Court.  I can't remember if it was my seldom sober Dad or mostly asthmatic Mother who dragged me to this thing, but I do remember the wonderful time I had laughing at the antics of such stars as Meadowlark Lemon and who remembers anyone else?  I couldn't keep my eyes off their magic mannerisms and their tricky basket shots and the wonder of their kneeling turning twisting dribbles.  And the thing I remembered the most from that show waaay back in time was this shtick where they made you think there was water in a bucket, and when we all just knew we were going to get absolutely soaked when they tossed it on us, the water turned out to be just shredded bits of paper.  It was hilarious.  Oh, and incidentally, since there were only about 3 black people living in Eugene, Oregon at the time, and after watching this wonderful show I just assumed that all black people were (1) very tall, (2) very athletic, especially when it came to basketball, and (3) very funny to watch.  It was only much later that I found out that my assumption wasn't entirely accurate.

But, at any rate, the Boy and I found ourselves sitting in really great seats, Section 105, Row A, inside the massive Matthew Knight Arena last Friday, hot dog, popcorn, medium Sprite in hand, listening to the haunting strains of "Sweet Georgia Brown."  (Let's don't over-analyze the racist overtones of the "Harlem" anythings having a theme song with both "Georgia," and "Brown" in its title at this point, okay?) They started introducing the current version of the team (there are several Globetrotter teams traveling around the country at the same time) and we met Hacksaw Hall, Hi-Lite Bruton, several other similarly nick-named performers, and they even have a female Globetrotter now.  Cool.  The show began and it was pretty much the same thing I'd seen 50 years ago, just with different people.  They even did the bucket of "water" thing.  The Boy laughed with delight through it all, just like I had done.  I personally had more fun watching him than watching them.  At the end, it totaled up to this:  Tickets for two, $78; Official Globetrotter Basketball, $25; Official Globetrotter Wrist Sweatbands, $10; Official Globetrotter Program, $10;  being there with my son, Priceless.   But I digress ... )

• Former Nazi Youth and current head of the Catholic Church Pope Benedict the-something-or-other has apparently realized his shortcomings and has retired from the Poperacy before the entire thing goes down in litigious bankruptcy, or they all get arrested, or both.  We wish him luck, although I doubt he'll need it.  Apparently the only thing he'll be giving up is his little red shoes.  Mark Morford has more on this story:  "The Pope Stole My Maker's Mark."
• Let's give a quick check in with our favorite right-wing Supreme Court Justice, Antonin Scalia, who has been attempting to uphold his reputation as a slightly unhinged old guy straight out of a Eastwood movie.  Referring to the U.S. Voting Rights Act as a "perpetuation of racial entitlement," Scolia seems to argue that it has been an assault on reasonable thinking to assume blacks have a moral right to vote.  In this article written by Robert Parry, Parry says "... almost as troubling was the remark from Justice Anthony Kennedy who insisted that the Voting Rights Act, which was first enacted by Congress in 1965 and was renewed overwhelmingly in 2006, was an intrusion on Alabama as an 'independent sovereign,' states’ rights language reminiscent of the Old Confederacy. Indeed, the five Republican justices – also including John Roberts, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito – seem to have absorbed a Neo-Confederate interpretation of the Constitution that is at odds with what the Framers intended." Remember, if you will, that these people are In Charge of the rules for The Game.  Sleep well tonight.
• Legendary journalist Bob Woodword is apparently losing his mind.  Long a darling of our beloved Liberal progressives, Woodword suddenly has turned on President Obama and has imagined threats and awful things coming from the administration, which he (Woodward) has even referred to as "Nixonian."  This, in spite of the fact that as far as we know President Obama hasn't ordered multiple break-ins, paid hush-money to a group of "plumbers," suggested the firebombing of a think-tank’s office, or exhibited an obscene paranoia concerning Jews and blacks.  Check out "From Legend to Laughingstock ..."
• We here at Bad Hat have never been great fans of drug testing in the first place, but the idea that rubs us really raw is the one many a well intentioned red neck rightie thinks makes sense: All welfare recipients should be forced to submit to regular drug testing to receive social help.  We could argue the point all day long, but in the end the idea will still be cost preventative, rude, mean, ineffective, and STILL unconstitutional as ruled by the Federal Appeals Court.  I rest my face.
• The body of the first openly gay man to be a viable candidate for public office in Mississippi has been found on a Mississippi River levee, the victim of an apparent homicide.  The only other interesting thing about this news story is that the 34-year-old was running for mayor of Clarksdale, a Blues hub where actor and Mississippi native Morgan Freeman co-owns a music club, and reportedly the town is known as "crossroads," the place where bluesman Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil.  The whole thing is almost too weird for me.  Read it and enjoy. 
• Sorry we've been gone for so long.  It's good to be back, and we'll try to do better.