New Year's Eve Update

(Wow.  New Year's Eve.  Unless this is all a huge figment of my imagination, most of us made it safely through 2012, Mayan calendar notwithstanding.  To all you preppers out there who are still struggling to overcome your deep depression that the world didn't end and you're going to have to pay off all those bills you rang up installing and stocking those underground shelters, all I can say is bwaaahahahaha.  By the way, I understand you can pick up your new Mayan calendar at Bi-Mart.  I told you they just wanted us to buy a new one.  But I digress ... )

• There was plenty of weird stuff to go around this past year, and one of the things that contributed to the apocalyptic feeling, along with the end of the Mayan calendar, was the depressing press release that Hostess was ceasing production of Twinkies.  Oh, the horror.  People flocked to convenience stores all over America and bought up every last Twinkie they could find.  Only in our worst nightmares can one imagine what will happen to mankind when the last Twinkie is devoured by some thoughtless overweight couch potato.  Mark Morford dares to tell us that it'll be no big deal.  Read more.
• And who can forget the election year nonsense between President Obama and Mitt Romney?  Who would like to?  I know, I know, me too.  But here's just one more jab at the Romney family who apparently have a hard time spelling their own name. Or do they ...?  See picture above.
• The hottest selling item in America this Christmas was the assault rifle.  Seems like everyone has to have one, for some reason or another.  Apparently people are buying these military-style weapons to protect themselves from other people with similar military-style weapons.  And there's actual serious NRA talk of arming teachers in the classrooms.  We would carry that idea one step farther and ask why not just arm all the children?  (meet me in the street in front of the saloon at high noon and we'll discuss this further.)  Gawdhelpusall.
• As this year ends, the idiots in the District of Columbia are telling us to be very very afraid of "the fiscal cliff."  While this whole scenario sounds like something out of a Road Runner cartoon, this "horrible catastrophe" was evidently caused by the idiots in D.C. themselves.  Remember this next time you vote:  Even if these people serve only one term, they receive a pension for the rest of their lives.  Kinda makes you woosie, don't it?
• On a happier note out of Washington, The evil Tea Party had its worse year ever.  After practically destroying the Republican Party with ultra-extremist ideas, and gloating responsibility for placing John (ala orange') Boehner as Speaker of the House, the Tea Party flag has been retired and its members have gone into hiding.  Good riddance.  The ignorance and hate fueled blatant bigotry of this movement was America's shame.
• One of my favorite all-time writers in the world is Dave Barry.  Click here to read Dave's "Year in Review," with thoughts like this:  "...we were slapped in our national face by the cold hard frozen mackerel of reality in the form of the hugely popular new “reality” show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” which, in terms of intellectual content, makes “Jersey Shore” look like “Hamlet.”
• And to all faithful readers of Bad Hat, we here at Headquarters wish you a very Happy New Year.  Behave yourselves tonight, please.